ups and downs

Hey everyone,

How are we all doing?

So I have just completed week 2 of radiotherapy and its going well. I was so nervous on the first day going through the doors into the radiotherapy reception. We sat waiting for what felt like an eternity, tentatively waiting to hear my name called. The waiting area is lovely and relaxed with views over some pretty gardens and I almost balled my eyes out when a robin flew into the garden and sat in the tree. The robin means a lot to me. After my grandad passed away a couple of years ago I saw one everyday in our garden at home and I just knew it was him sending me a message: "hello my flower" as he used to call me or " don't think you can get away with anything cos I am still bloody watching you" he always loved my cheeky ways. But I had not seen one for a couple of weeks until that morning sat in the waiting room and I just knew it was him letting me know he was there which made me feel a little better.

Whilst waiting an elderly man came into the room and rang the bell on the wall that nearly set me off balling too. The bell is there for people to ring to let all know you have just completed your last treatment.....I cant wait to ring that fucker off the wall! We all clapped and cheered for him and he looked so impressed with himself as he should be and I hope to god that it has worked for him.

The radiotherapy session actually only lasts for 10-15 minutes. You go in get on the bed, pull down your bottoms and ass has never seen so many faces. Lie back, the staff pull you around a  little to get you in the right position so all the green laser lights in the room line up perfectly on your body, they leave the room and this machine moves around you in circles. My first session I didn't know what to expect but the staff were great and reassuring. As the machine was moving round I was talking to my body, not loud but softly in a creepy murderer type of voice "die you fucker, get out of my body, die cancer you bastard!" was only after I realised that there are intercoms in the room that the staff talk through and can hear you if you call them, so they probably heard me being weird and creepy hahahaha. So far I have completed 10 sessions and still feeling pretty good. Granted some of the side effects have kicked in, I get really tired towards the end of the week and end up nana napping, my bowel is protesting and bleeding from being blasted by the radiowaves, my new vagina is also bleeding a little with an increase of discharge (no more little snail trails oh no now we are fucking full on gushing like a giant African land snail!) I have been reassured this is perfectly normal its my clever body trying to heal itself from the burning of the radiotherapy. Go on!!! you sexy body you slime all over that shit! My skin is coping well so far but that may be down to the fact that I get the hubby to lather me in some gel stuff that the nurses gave me to try and prevent the skin from burning, it feels pretty grosse to be honest like some sort of gooey mess laid out on the bed not daring to move in case I leave a ass size halo of gel all over the bed. But if it works then I can cope with looking like a blob of jelly.

We still have no clue as to why my boobs have milk in them but now my hair is also thinning at an alarming rate and this has nothing to do with the radiotherapy. I didn't have that fucking much to start with thanks to my first child....he now has my gorgeous thick curly hair that used to flow in waves down my back.....little sod. I have also been quite emotional this last week often bursting into tears, looking like a crazy person holding clumps of hair in my hands whilst sobbing, feeling a little anxious and panicking about when the other half has to go back to work in a months time. I have had some bloods done to see why my body is having a melt down so hopefully should get some answers soon. I am thinking menopause or the start of it (my house slave is going to love that he may end up moving out if it is).

I have put on weight.....fuck!!!! I know its only half a stone but my ass is really big enough. The weight I was sooooooo chuffed I had lost somewhere whilst in hospital has found its way ass and thighs! fucker! So now I am back to my pre-op weight. I blame wine to be fair its such a bitch encouraging me to drink it when it knows that I don't need the extra calories and then the bloody pizza pipes up and feels left out so I have to have a nibble of that too....and then there is the chocolate and don't even get me started on the cheese that son of a bitch is the worst it can shout me all the way from the fridge!!! To be fair though I do have cancer so I can give myself some pity and comfort foods or at least that is my excuse and I am fucking sticking to it 😂😂!

So we have 18 sessions left to do, 3 and a half weeks and then I can ring that bell. I'm sure we will have some more ups and downs along the way but there is no way that I will be beaten. I may stumble on occasions but I always get back up and fight on. I just want to give a shout out and an advanced apology (if its menopause your all gonna know about it LOL sorry, not sorry hahahaha) to my friends and family and all you guys who follow me on here and on our facebook page (don't forget to give us a like and share!)...your all awesome and your love and support really does make all the difference especially on those tough days when it feels like its getting too much and you all give me that kick up the arse I need or the cuddle I want or let me just vent it really is appreciated.

Now enough of the sentimental shit, its bank holiday weekend, its gorgeous weather outside, perfect for us to meet up with friends,  let the wine and cheese out to play and then pizza later whilst I do my own radiotherapy session in the back garden and get rid of my winter white bits....I even waxed the tree trunks so I can wear shorts! Have a fun weekend guys, make the most of whatever you do, life is too short to not do anything!

Love always




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  1. You are an inspiration, keep it coming. You have me in stitches with your straight talking and quick wit. Such a positive attitude despite all the crap you are going through right now. Virtual hugs x

    1. Thank you so much Nettie that is lovely to hear...virtual hug back at you hun xxxxx


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