Hello 2020!

Hey everyone,

Hope you all had an amazing Christmas and a very drunk new year!

We had a fucking brilliant Christmas, certainly made up for the shittiest Christmas last year. We stayed at home, me and the house slave took some annual leave from work so we got to spend lots of time with the kids. We barely left the house to be honest, I think we just needed to be with each other this year. Boxing day we did go to my mams house for the afternoon and spent it with my folks, my sister her other half and their two kids and my baby sister who isn't really a baby but now 21! But she is still the baby of the family. It was a busy afternoon but me and mum managed to get through a bottle of fizz and mum put on a fab spread for us all so we all went home happy and full.
 The run up to Christmas was just manic, trying to fit in buying presents, delivering cards, work, seeing friends and family and making some pretty special memories with the kids.

I had breakfast with SANTA!!! obviously the big guy was awesome but even better than that it was an all you can eat breakfast! do you realize how happy it makes a girl to have an endless supply of fat sausages??? oh please get your filthy brains out of the gutter I meant the meat variety......SERIOUSLY.... you guys are just pure sex crazed maniacs, I meant the ones you eat!!!..... 😏 I GIVE UP!  There was bacon too.

We had a lovely trip to York designer outlet with the two little ones whilst the eldest was at work. We did lots of Christmas shopping and had a nice lunch at pizza hut. Granted the day did not start out that well....

So we all got up, got dressed, was very excited about a day of festive shopping and lunch out. Josh (the eldest one who grunts...teenager!) set off to work, we sorted the dogs out, got our shopping bags ready and put on coats etc.  The four of us bustled out of the door and headed for the car. The car seats were in my car as we had needed to take them out as we dropped off a couple of friends on the way home the night before after a night out out! I managed to haul my fat ass into the passenger seat, Didge took my chair round to the back of the car ready to put in the boot, the kids were excited and shouting, Didge got the car seats out of my car, whilst telling the kids to be quiet as they were being a little too giddy, he made sure they were strapped in, got in the car and we set off. For some reason which we were not sure about Didge's car was playing up and was spluttering and farting like a trooper. All the way to York it was not behaving and we deliberated between us it was either the AGR valve or the fuel filter that was the cause but in any case it took us a lot longer to get to York as the car refused to pick up speed past 40 mph.  We finally reached York designer outlet and it was heaving, but thanks to the spazz badge (the blue one that means I get to park pretty much anywhere:) ) we found a nice disable bay right near the doors. The kids were jumping up and down in the back and the house slave got out and went to get my chair out. He opened the boot and all I heard was 'FOR FUCKS SAKE!'..... me thinking maybe something had spilled in the boot or something I casually ask whats the matter now?....With a vary solemn looking face Didge walks round to my door and tells me he left my chair at home........

Ok so at this point I am a little dumbstruck and think he may be joking... 'are you being serious?' I ask.....Yeah he replies. Now anyone that knows my other half knows he can be a bit of a twat and likes to joke about so I am still unsure if he is being serious. Then I see the look of remorse in his face and actually start laughing. I think this was actually me trying to mask the fear that was inside me....I have no fucking legs! Well technically I do I have two fat useless lumps of meat that resemble legs connected to my hips that just dangle over the seat of my wheelchair that was now at home!!! WTAF!!! 'What do you mean its at home?''' .......'Its on the drive!' 😧😧😧😧. I really start to panic and ask again if he is serious...yep he was. We live in Skidby, a little farming village with very little going on so it was highly unlikely that anyone would steal a £3500 wheelchair and yes that price is correct! However, we also have a local permanent gypsy camp nearby who regularly come through the village with their van to collect everybody's scrap metal which is fantastic as it saves people a trip to the tip. SCRAP METAL! I had visions of them taking my wheelchair thinking we had left it out for them. OMG OMG OMG what do we do, in between fits of laughter and calling my husband an absolute dick we rang a friend in the village to pop round and move the chair off the drive in the mean time we headed back home to collect my legs. To be fair the drive home was a lot quicker than the drive there.  When we arrived my chair was ok and still at home. Thank the lord baby jesus! I am not a religious person per se but by hell was I praying to which ever fucker was listening.

Reunited with my legs I offered to scrap the trip to York and just go somewhere local but the house slave was in such a state with himself, he did feel really bad he was determined we were going to York.  So we set off again. We did have a lovely day despite the drama.  I bet he never fucking does it again though hahahaha.

So yeah the run up to Christmas was eventful. New year went a little more smoothly, kind of.

It is my birthday on the 16th Of January....yes that's right the 16TH JANUARY!!!! and with it being so close to Christmas you always get the shittest of presents, usually crap that people have been given for xmas and they don't want so they re-wrap it for your birthday! But after surviving last year, reaching my 35th birthday this year does feel like a it of a milestone. So the house bitch asked me what I would like for my birthday...normally he just saves some of my xmas presents back so he doesn't forget to go buy me birthday presents...they even come wrapped in xmas paper I kid you not! Now I have been asking for a female miniature dachshund for some years as I absolutely love them. Towards the end of last year I started to struggle with not being able to have any more kids. Trust me I don't want any more my 16 year old and two kids that regularly argue about whose air their breathing is enough to make any woman want to stitch themselves up. But when you know its impossible and that you are only 35 you should still have that choice, I suddenly started to get quite broody (for the first time in my life ever!). They do say you always want what you can't have! I had a few days where I just cried most of the day and looked awful with red puffy eyes. I couldn't have a baby but a puppy.... This was the only thing I wanted but knew that it was unlikely as they cost an absolute fortune. However, my wonderful hubby, to say well done, how proud he is of me, that he is glad I kept fighting, he never wants to lose me etc all the soppy stuff.....after a few conversations with some nice people at the bank he has bought me my very own little baby female miniature daxie and she is just amazing.

We took a drive over the Humber bridge on new years eve to go and pick her up from the breeder. The lady was lovely a really genuinely nice person and ended up in tears when Didge told her why he was buying me the dog. I balled my eyes out when I saw this tiny bundle of black and tan squishiness, she was just perfect. The breeder was more than happy for us to take her home and we spent a couple of hours with Rebecca chatting, playing with her dogs even feeding her chickens. She even offered if we ever wanted chickens we could re-home her youngest cockerel as he is a bit of a loner and she knows he would be looked after. Only us could go buy a dog and end up nearly getting a chicken! I would love my own little chicken brood but we just don't have the time at the moment. I have promised to keep in touch with Rebecca as she was just that nice.  We raced back home with our new addition to prepare for our new years eve party we had agreed to have at our house for some of the mums and dads and kids from school who like us never go out on new years eve because we have kids. We had a great night with everyone, lots of food, drink and laughing. Our new baby received lots of cuddles from everyone and seemed to settle straight in.


Since new year we have named our little bundle Bebe (beebee) and she has just settled in and it feels like she has been here ages. The two bigger dogs absolutely adore her and we often find them all snuggled up together on one tiny cushion even though they all have a bed each. She is certainly not afraid of standing her ground despite her tiny size...Didge says that is because she is a woman....all mouth! obviously he was standing at the top of the stairs when he declares such fighting talk! We all love her so much and she has made the start of the new year fantastic.
 The start of a new year and a new decade feels so positive for me this year, it feels like I can actually physically put last year behind me, clear my mind and start afresh. I have made my list of the things I would like to achieve this year and am determined to make this year amazing. After last year it can not be that hard to improve. I have a very positive head on right now, I have started losing weight, I have started gently exercising trying to improve my fitness, we have started doing niggly jobs around the house, I am continuing to improve my mental health and hoping to come off my antidepressants this year obviously with my doctors approval and guidance and intend to make sure we make every day count for something.

I am sure there will be tough times coming as there always is, being disabled your often met with obstacles...like your dickhead of a husband leaving you chair at home! and living with cancer is another obstacle, mental health is a constant battle for pretty much everyone but having a strong urge to win, an understanding of your mental health, being in tune with your body and being able to say I can do this! Nothing is going to phase me this year I really can do anything that I truly want to do.

Have you set yourself a goal this year? If you have not then my challenge to you is to set some time aside for yourself each week just to be you....just to be in that moment, just to have the space you need to gain clarity, to digest, to focus and most importantly to appreciate yourself and what you can do.

Sometimes a new start or a new habit is enough to change everything and make you re-focus.

Happy new year everyone, lets make 2020 the year we grab life by the dangly testicles and swing them around like we don't give a fuck!

lots of love
Amy
xxx












                                                      Our Dickhead Elves







                                                    Panto Time!






                                                  The house slave enjoying his all you can eat breakfast



                                               






                                                 My new baby.....happy new year.....






                                                         Bebe feeling all chilled out






                     Even took her to meet some of my co-workers at choices and rights.

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